The Pink Menace

"I'm going to go kill them," he stated.
He turned and looked me square in the face.
"Stay there," he ordered, "because you don't have a weapon." I stared back at my four-year-old and said nothing. I was too tired to move.
"I'll handle them up!" he shouted, and bolted out of the bedroom.
'Handle them up?' I thought. Where does he get this stuff?
Moments later, he ran back into the room again at lightning speed, panting, "I got away. I wasn't powerful enough. I better climb up here." He shimmied up the bed post like a monkey up a tree.
We'd all just watched Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace, and my sons had divided into teams of good vs. evil.
We were, however, under seige by a different menace: conjunctivitis, a.k.a. "pink-eye," and I was weary after three days of battling, wiping down surfaces with disinfectant and constant hand-washing. As the scourge spread through our house, Harry and I were now out-numbered, four against two, the only healthy hold-outs. The main weapon at my disposal was a small bottle of prescription eye-drops, to be administered two drops per pink eye, three times a day, for 10 days.
Friends from the outside had buoyed me with messages of encouragement, but I was feeling more and more germaphobic as the hours ticked by.
"Hope this doesn't freak you out too much, but apparently Pink Eye is contracted from fecal matter touching the eyes," said Sarah.
Oh, it did freak me out, so I immediately Googled that bit of info, gleaned from "Knocked Up," in an attempt to reassure myself that there are lots of ways to get this highly contagious infection. I told myself that we had the viral type.
It was only 8:00 p.m., but I was on my bed, ready to tuck under the comforter for the night. Dosing four children with eye-drops is a challenge fit for a nimble Jedi. I sat on the bed and distracted myself from the situation by letting my thoughts drift to musings on how Darth Maul had managed to kill Qui-Gon Jinn, perhaps the greatest Jedi alive, even stronger than Master Yoda. It just didn't seem right.
My thoughts were interrupted by the clashing sound of three siths busting into the room with light sabers. Their eyes were pink.
I centered myself, calling upon The Force.
I'm gonna handle them up, I vowed.